It is impossible to switch life, and I may not want it too considering I am so lucky and grateful of my life has been so far. However it is always tempt me, the thoughts of it. Sometime I feel like I am not my usual self, self that not fit with my current life, self that is not expected to be in my current role, self that is too selfish in my life, self that I always try to bury under.
When that self came out, I sometimes daydreaming how my life would be if I just be that self, all out. I was taught responsibilities, obligations before rights, religious culture, life aftermath and all the consequences of every single step I take. I sometimes wish if only I could care less about it, and let that self out more often, I may not need to daydream this often. Funnily, I also sometimes wish that I don't have another self, plan life more detailed, more disciplined, pray more often and deeper. But that two wish, I can't find way yet to fit it together, and now here I am, split between reality and dreaming.
Anyway, I found another crush. Guess my type is pretty consistent.
My note for today is, find yourself, don't be yourself before you find one. You may become someone else.
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